Quarrels Between Children: What Is The Role Of Parents?
We often observe aggressive behaviors in children. Ultimately, it is an emotion that is part of the baggage of every human being. The quarrels between children begin from two years of age and continue through adolescence.
The child resorts to conflict because he confronts his peers or older children on an emotional level or out of a simple survival instinct. It can also happen that you quarrel with a younger child to impose your dominion or will.
In this, the role of the parents is fundamental. The education of children, be they children or adolescents, on issues such as mutual respect, the existence of rules and limits and above all the control of emotions, must begin at home.
Today we will talk about quarrels between children .
Some key rules for controlling fights between children
In the little ones, the disappointment begins with the typical outbursts of anger or “tantrums”. They express themselves with bites, pushes, insults, punches, with hair pulling.
Growing up, the child is not limited to physically assaulting and bullying attitudes may appear. In the case of adolescents, violence can reach higher levels. Adolescence, in fact, is a stage in which to transgress and go beyond the limits is natural.
In these situations, parents often seem to proceed blindly, learning something new every day and from each child. We want to try, however, to define 6 fundamental rules to better manage quarrels between children.
1. Change the face of violence
The main resource we can give to a child in anger is the power of words.
The child must understand that his first option, in a conflictual situation that can turn into violence, is to talk to the other.
That is to say, he must attempt a rational approach to the problem before resolving by force. Of course it is illogical for the adult to intervene violently if he wants to mediate in a conflict between children. Aggression is not an option contemplated among the possible punishments.
2. Teach by example
Sometimes it is normal to be annoyed or angry in the face of situations that force us to confront others. However, it is important how we control or manage this emotion. Children reflect what is happening at home, so the emotional upbringing they have received plays an important role.
If you are a temperamental parent, if you tend to attack or insult people, break or hit objects, you cannot ask your child to behave differently. The example is worth more than a hundred tips or recommendations.
3. Promote common sense and calm
As we have said, the control of emotions begins at home. Teach the child to act with common sense and calm in the face of critical issues that can easily lead to conflict or malaise.
Remind him that although our nature is animalistic, we cannot behave instinctively and irrationally with others. It is essential to identify the emotion, not to leave it unchecked, especially in moments of tension.
4. The child is not at the center of the world
Children must learn that they are not always right and that they are not the center of the world. Parents have the task of making them understand that we are part of a community in which each person has their own tastes and preferences, and that everyone deserves respect.
Teach your child that not everything he says or does is a priority for others, but that this doesn’t have to be a source of bad mood. Let respect for others guide him when he tends to confront aggressively.
5. Teach the child to evaluate the consequences
In the face of any violent reaction, it is important to teach the child to evaluate the consequences of their actions. Being rejected, offending the other, being mistreated, taking advantage of the weakest… is this the result you want to achieve?
In quarrels between children, the little ones must learn to foresee the consequences. No matter how small the baby is: he can already understand the damage it can cause.
Over time he will also learn to understand the most appropriate attitude to take in a conflict situation.
6. Communicating is the key
It seems obvious to talk about communication between parents and children, but this is precisely the key that allows the child to internalize many concepts useful for his training in life and in the resolution of small conflicts.
Talk to your child, listen to him, ask him specific questions about his day. It will allow you to get to know him better and guide him in a way that is more appropriate to his needs.
The parent must be a counselor
It is important to recognize your role in this game. You are the figure who must bring order, establish limits and parameters of respect. If you need to punish the child, do it firmly, not forgetting that you are punishing wrong behavior, not your child.
Avoid changing your mind or becoming flexible if the child maintains a constant confrontational attitude.
If you let the violence pass, the child will grow up with important contradictions. The risk is that aggression becomes his usual way of responding.
Children and young people have their own dynamics. Quarrels between children or between siblings are inevitable, they are part of life. Our task as adults is to show a way to deal with the problem, according to the age of the child.
Trust your instincts and continue to educate your child about good emotion management. You will make him an empathic, rational, happier person.
