I Have Stopped Giving Explanations To Those Who Do Not Want To Understand
Cognitive psychology reminds us very often that we are not obliged to explain to anyone about what we do, think or choose in our daily life.
Above this dimension, there is always self-interest, the need to know ourselves and act in accordance with our principles and values, respecting, in turn, those around us.
The act of giving explanations is necessary in the event that our decisions involve other people, but taking on one’s own responsibilities goes hand in hand with the ability to know how to act and decide without having to justify what we do.
We also know that we spend our lives explaining everything, so on this occasion we invite you to reflect on it.
When giving explanations becomes a habit
As with everything in life, there is a limit and a balance. We can ask our partner about it, for example, if he doesn’t show up for three days.
We will do the same with our children in case of misconduct and with our friends if they behave unexpectedly.
- People need to give and receive explanations about situations that generate uncertainty, weirdness or suffering.
- Cognitive psychology and positive psychology emphasize the need not to make the act of “giving explanations” a habit of everyday life, in situations that do not require it.
The problem also lies in the type of communication that is established. If the dialogue is constructive and empathetic, communication flows and there is understanding.
However, in many cases there are those who “understand only what they want” or rather, far from listening, think only of the answer they will give us, because they have already reached their personal conclusion, which does not always coincide with reality.
- Giving explanations shouldn’t be so ingrained in our social contexts, at least when one only wants to judge others based on their conduct or choices.
- Explanations are necessary only when a concrete situation requires it and must have the aim of establishing balance in the relationship.
- When explanations are given, there must be a respectful, open and democratic dialogue. Sender and recipient must communicate with empathy and dedication to investigate the situation and seek an agreement; we all need this attunement in conversations.
Aspects for which we should never give explanations
We are sure that in your closest social contexts (friends, family, work, partner) you feel obliged to give more than one explanation about certain aspects of your life that you do not want to share, and even less to justify.
By way of example and to take this into account, we point out which dimensions belong “only to you” and for which it is neither necessary nor convenient to give explanations.
There is no need to explain the priorities of one’s life
What is important to you concerns only your person. If your greatest passion is traveling, not everyone will understand that you spend the whole year saving money instead of buying a washing machine or a new car. You don’t have to justify yourself and if you do, once is enough.
There is no need to explain whether you are single or about your partner
How come you’re not with anyone yet? You still don’t have any children? Your boyfriend is a little quiet, isn’t he? Why don’t you live closer to your family?
We are sure that these questions are very familiar to you. People used to ask for innocent interest, but these are things that bothers us to justify and that, in reality, nobody cares but you.
There is no need to explain your beliefs and values
Values, beliefs and opinions define us, there is no reason to explain or justify them.
If you profess a certain religion or feel an affinity for a certain type of spirituality, it is not necessary to tell others why you do it and what reasons led you to this choice.
- You are your choices, others must accept you as you are, without having to ask for explanations.
- To live together is to respect and, for this reason, it is only a question of accepting ourselves as we are. Explanations will be necessary, as we have indicated above, only in case of disagreement or personal problems.
Live in freedom by following your values, act with respect and be happy for every aspect that you have internalized on your personal journey.
