When They Treat Us Badly We Can Grant Ourselves 5 Licenses
When they treat us badly, we can choose to react in three ways : respond intelligently, be overwhelmed or react aggressively.
It is not always easy to manage these highly emotional situations because specific areas of the brain are activated.
When others treat us disrespectfully or even threateningly, certain things like the prefrontal cortex, the amygdala, the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula are activated.
These brain regions are linked to the survival instinct and are often the ones that make us react aggressively or through defense mechanisms.
When we are treated badly, it is worthwhile to manage these situations through emotional intelligence. Only in this way will we be able to avoid being dominated by fear or anger.
In this article we offer you five courageous permissions that we should know how to give ourselves every time we suffer a wrong, to learn how to react in the most appropriate way. We are sure it will be of great help to you.
What to do when they treat us badly
1. Let us allow ourselves to remember who we are and what we are worth
When someone treats us badly, they overstep the boundaries of what is lawful. Our self-esteem is trampled through contempt, hurtful words, humiliation and even deceit.
- When we live in such a situation, we feel attacked, because the very thing we find it hard to build is affected: self-awareness, our self-esteem, our personal integrity.
- If someone tells us that “we are nothing,” the last thing we have to do is lose our temper and go on a rampage.
The first step is not not to accept the judgments of others as absolute truth. We will have to remember, making use of a good dose of temperance, that we are in possession of many qualities, that we are capable people and able to achieve all the goals that we propose.
What others say about us does not define who we are. So it’s worth scaling down the hurtful words of others a bit and re-establishing a certain balance.
2. Let us give ourselves the opportunity to limit the aggression of others
Let’s try to visualize the following image: a golden circle floats around us, as if it were a life preserver. It is what allows us to stay “afloat” in every situation: in the family, at work …
- It is our support, the daily strength with which we make our way. Then, one day, someone comes too close.
- Behind him hides a sharp pin with which he pierces our life buoy, when we least expect it.
At this point when they treat us badly, we begin to notice that we sink slowly.
We must not allow that to happen: we have every right to prevent it from happening and to defend ourselves, setting the boundary between what we want to allow and what we are not willing to tolerate.
It is a mental health principle: if something or someone bothers us or bothers us, we must react .
Let’s not let them get so close that it hurts us.
3. Give each other permission to speak assertively
When someone treats us badly, emotions take over and make us react with fear or anger.
These two aspects take over our rational area to prevent us from speaking with courage and confidence.
- In this case, the first thing to do is to stay calm. Only then will we be able to speak assertively.
- Let’s imagine a palace, with a white hall, from whose open windows a serene light enters. We go in and breathe. Nothing others say or do should make us forget who we are and what we are worth.
- Once calm is restored within us, we can begin to speak up when they treat us badly. Being assertive means being able to speak respectfully, but firmly, making it clear what we allow and what we don’t.
We speak without fear, defending ourselves.
4. Let us give ourselves the opportunity to distance ourselves from those who treat us badly
Those who treat us badly deserve neither our time nor our attention. There are people who seem born on purpose to create problems. They are the ones who sow their mood everywhere and spit their poison towards those who do not deserve it.
- Unfortunately, we are aware that it is the people closest to us who treat us badly: colleagues, family members or even our partner.
- Another fundamental rule for our mental health is to remember that those who treat us badly do not respect us, do not show empathy and are unable to tune into our emotions.
- Living every day within such tense and destructive dynamics is not the best thing.
- We need to think about it and make a decision with some determination when they treat us badly. In fact, we must clearly say that we cannot tolerate such behavior and warn our interlocutor that, if this continues, we will be forced to move away from him.
Our emotional health comes first.
5. Give ourselves permission to heal our wounds and become even stronger
Those who hurt us the most in these situations are the people we care about most. A partner, a brother, a mother, a father… someone from whom, in short, we would never expect it.
When someone who is important to us crosses the line of what is lawful and respectable, there are many things that “break” within us.
- Sometimes it is not enough to distance ourselves and distance ourselves from those who have hurt us. The imprint of disappointment remains and we must give it a way to heal.
- Let us allow ourselves the necessary time. These are the moments when we need to do what can relieve us the most: take long walks, write, paint, travel, be with friends.
We can find comfort and refuge in many things when they treat us badly. Yet the best way to heal our wounds is to surround ourselves with people who truly love us and who, in turn, deserve to be loved.
Just as there are people who only know how to bring sadness and dullness to our day, there are others who are able to inspire us and give us the strength to start again. These are the ones we need to look for !
